Lesson 7: Showing Up Grounded
Steady Presence in Uncertain Times
When Charli was still in the NICU, every dawn began the same way: coffee in hand, an hour-long drive, and a simple loving-kindness meditation borrowed from a former NICU parent. (Thank you Laura)
May I be calm.
May Charli be safe.
May our care team be wise.
By the time we reached her bedside I’d traded groggy worry for clear eyes and an open heart. That ritual became my anchor on a roller-coaster journey—and it taught me a lesson that echoes through every post in this Lessons from the NICU series: how we show up matters as much as what we do.
Why a grounded state matters
Grounding is the practice of bringing mind and body into the present moment so that our nervous system shifts from fight-or-flight to a place of steadiness. Research shows that when parents enter the NICU regulated, their babies benefit: mindful or relaxation-based programs significantly reduce parental stress, anxiety and depression, improving bonding and participation in care PubMed. Neuroscience further tells us that infants “borrow” their caregivers’ regulation; a calm parent literally co-regulates the baby’s physiology Frontiers.
In short, walking in grounded lets us think more clearly, advocate more effectively, and offer our children a nervous system they can lean on—whether they weigh three pounds in an isolette or tower over us as teenagers.
A plot-twist kind of day
The importance of grounding crystallized the morning we arrived expecting Charli’s second brain surgery—a shunt placement—to be underway. Instead, we were met with worried eyes and one shocking line: “She’s tested positive for COVID.”
Confusion. Fear of surgical delay. Guilt (had I unknowingly exposed her?).
Because I’d spent that drive breathing kindness into my own chest, I could notice the swirl without being swept away. We asked questions, the care team retested, and four hours later Charli was negative—again eight hours after that. Every specialty from neurosurgery to GI voted to proceed, and the shunt was placed that day. Remaining grounded didn’t erase the stress, but it stopped it from hijacking our decision-making.
Parents I work with face similar high-stakes pivots: choosing a new treatment team, a different school, or a higher level of care. Those who pause to ground first consistently describe feeling settled—able to respond instead of react.
Five quick grounding tools you can try today
Box Breathing (4-4-4-4). Inhale for four, hold four, exhale four, hold four. Repeat 4–6 rounds; two minutes lowers heart rate and cortisol.
Loving-Kindness Mini-Meditation. Whisper phrases of goodwill—first to yourself, then your child, then the team. (Use my three lines above or create your own.)
“5-4-3-2-1” Sensory Reset. Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. It pulls the brain out of worry loops.
Grounding Touch. Place one hand on your heart, one on your abdomen; feel each rise and fall for ten breaths.
Movement Micro-Burst. Roll shoulders, stretch arms overhead, or stand for a 30-second shake-out to discharge nervous energy before stepping into the room or picking up the phone.
Build a 3-step pre-interaction ritual:
Pause → Ground (choose one tool) → Set an intention (“I’m here to connect”). Repetition wires calm into muscle memory.
This works well when transitioning from one activity to another, like coming home from a busy day at the office. When you park in the driveway pause, ground and sit an intention before you enter your house.
From isolettes to big decisions
Grounding isn’t just for hospital hallways. The same skills help when a school meeting turns contentious, your teen texts from a crisis, or you’re reviewing residential treatment options at midnight. A steady internal state widens the gap between stimulus and response—creating space for curiosity, compassion, and creative problem-solving.
Try this: Before you open the email about your child’s evaluation results, slide your feet flat on the floor and exhale slowly. Notice how even a ten-second reset changes what you write back.
Bringing it home
Every NICU lesson layers on the last: we’ve talked about advocacy, resilience, growth, and grief. Grounding is the thread that stitches them together. It is the practice of being so that we can do.
Whether you’re commuting to a neonatal unit, walking into a school IEP meeting, or dialing a treatment center, give yourself permission to root first. Your child—tiny or tall—will feel the difference, and so will you.
Take what serves you, practice often, and let me know which tools become part of your family’s toolbox. We bloom best from grounded soil.