Lesson 15: The Seeds We Plant By Simply Being There: Lessons from the NICU and Beyond

We want things to go smoothly.

We want to get there on time.

This morning, before the sun came up, my dad drove me to the airport.

The last time he picked me up, we missed a turn. We were deep in conversation, not paying close attention, and suddenly we were off route—winding through the back roads of Oakland. It wasn’t a big deal, but it stuck with me.

Not because of the delay.

Because of how quickly things can shift when you’re not paying attention.

So today, I did what many of us do when we’re trying to avoid stress before it starts.

I stayed alert. I tracked where we were. I reminded him of the turns.

The first time, he smiled: “Yes, yes, I know where I’m going.”

The second time, he laughed and called me a control freak.

And without missing a beat, I said,

“It takes one to know one.”

We both laughed. But there was something honest underneath it.

That pull between trusting the process and trying to manage the outcome.

And if I’m being honest, that tension lives in me more than I’d like to admit.

Because here’s the reality:

When the stakes feel high, control feels like safety.

But what I’ve learned—through the NICU, through parenting, and through the families I walk alongside—is that control is often an illusion.

And presence? That’s the real work.